Tuesday, November 7, 2017

Chapter 1: The Journey to Motherhood- The Grind of Motherhood



Being a mom is an incredible blessing. One that I do not take for granted, especially with all that I went through to become a mother. I know that I am blessed. That goes without saying. However, there are days... no... scratch that. There have been weeks, maybe even months, where I felt like my patience has been spent. Moments where I wanted to curl up in a ball and beg for mercy because the load became overbearing. Nights where I cried myself to sleep because I was failing at this thing called motherhood.

Normally, I wouldn't write this out. But something tells me that there is a mother who is going through and she needs to know that she is not alone. *Clears throat* Honey, you are not alone! I was on Facebook a few weeks ago, where a friend posted she cried while sitting in the car with her child. Her transparency touched my heart. Another girlfriend did a vlog, sharing her battle with depression. The -ish is real out here ladies and gentleman.

There are days that I don't know if I am coming or if I am going. If I am not working on marketing for my business, then I am working on marketing for my book. If I am not working on my book then I am trying to potty train my two and a half-year-old, who would rather pee everywhere else but in the toilet. Then the five-month-old wants to be nursed or held, thus my hands are not free to do anything. By the time help comes along, the day is gone, and I am not sure what work was done or still left to be done. But thank God something got done. Not sure what but something. #Winning #TakeMyVictoryHowICan



The role of being a stay at home mother is not for the faint of heart. The one thing I crave the most is a few moments to myself. My husband is amazing. Although he is empathetic to my needs, he often doesn't fully understand.  When I get at least 30 minutes, I take full of advantage of that time. That 30 minutes easily turns into an hour or two. However, long I can get before Jellybean needs to be nursed again. During that time I shower, lay on the bed and close my eyes. For a brief moment, I am in a zone that is free of life's responsibilities (see the picture below to see my zone).



I would never wish to not be a mother. It is what I prayed for. But there are times where I need an escape. I need time to regroup so that I can be better for them. I am convinced that part of my reason for feeling overwhelmed, is due in part to feeling the need to have it together. What does that even mean? Social media is a blessing and curse. I am afraid to admit that I sometimes get jealous when I see other moms out there doing it for the "gram". They got the chance to comb their hair, shower and even put on a full face of makeup. Meanwhile, I am wearing sweats, with my hair in a messy ponytail, complete with a spit stained shirt. This is my life.

*Deep sigh* There is beauty in the grind. A sweet kiss from Beans to watching Jellybean fast asleep in my arms. Precious moments that are etched in my mind forever. I draw on these times, to help me remember that one day my girls will be adults and on their own one day. Soon it won't be cool to hold my hand anymore and shower me with a thousand hugs and kisses. So grind and push on, because despite how I feel my girls need me. Still, self-care is vital. What do you do to get self-care? Share in the comments in the below.

In the meantime, hang in there mama, and pass the wine!



Wednesday, October 18, 2017

Chapter 1- Journey to Motherhood: The Comeback Mama

Hey! Hey! I know you all get tired of me stopping and starting this blog. Hopefully, this will be my last time having to stop and start. There have been a lot of changes that have transpired since my last blog post last year. So without further adeu let me get right to it all.

1. I had another baby! I think when I last left you all, I shared that we were expecting again. Maybe. I don't remember. I still have baby brain leftover from this last pregnancy. Speaking of last pregnancy... unless the good Lord sees fit, we are done with growing our family. There is talk of adoption, but for now we are going to enjoy our two blessings.





2. I finished my book!!! OMG!! Can y'all believe it??? I actually completed my book. To be honest it was one of the reasons I stepped away from my blog. I wanted to focus on finishing my book. I am so proud of this work... which leads me to...



3. I signed with a publisher!!! I am so excited to be a part of the Dynamic Image Publications family #DIPSquad (not to be confused with the rap group). What started off with me wanting to get my book edited and taking the road of independent publishing,  turned into me deciding to submit my work. Best. Decision. Ever. My debut novel, After the Storm, will be released in March 2018. I can't wait for you all to read it and get your feedback.




I think I will stop there for now. I can literally write three or four more blogs from the three things I listed. Thank you for being patient with me. I am working on consistency. Or as my one of my best friends says "being a finisher".

Xoxo,

Nisia Skyy

Thursday, September 1, 2016

Chapter 1- The Journey to Motherhood: August was National Breastfeeding Month

As the title says, August was National Breastfeeding Month. I was hoping to get a post in to share my journey before August ended, but I did not quite make the deadline. :-) Nevertheless, I still figured I would write about it anyways. So here is the short and sweet of my breastfeeding journey.

Most of you are aware that Beans was born early (click here to read about her birth). It is common for preemies to struggle with breastfeeding. Beans was no exception. The first time she latched I was brought to tears. One, I was shocked by the sensation I felt. It didn't hurt me per se, but it didn't feel great. Lol! Two, I was brought to tears because I was so happy that my 2-week old preemie had latch. The latch was short lived but we practice everyday while she was in the NICU.



However, once we got home we struggled. I couldn't get her to latch, so I made her bottles. Plus she was on a special formula to help her gain weight. I joined a Facebook group that catered to preemie moms wanting to breastfeed. With their advice and the advice of my friends/family who breastfed, Beans and I successfully got a rhythm once we made it past her original due date... And we never looked back.

The journey of breastfeeding has not been easy. It takes dedication and patience. However, it has been rewarding for me. We are still going strong. 14 months to be exact. At one point I thought I was going to give up breastfeeding her, but she is not ready to wean.



Overall, I have enjoyed the journey. I will miss our quiet times together when she does finally wean. But I will be glad to have my boobs back!  

What about you? Did you breastfeed? What was your experience?

Xoxo,

Nisia Skyy

Tuesday, August 23, 2016

Misc Chapter- Time for some FOOTBALL!!!!

I love the month of August. The kids are back in school (I don't know about that life yet), summer is starting to wind up, and football is coming back!! I watched a preseason NFL game last Sunday, and I was in heaven! If any of you have been following my posts, then you are aware of my L-O-V-E for the sport of football. I am hoping that Beans will be able to fit her Falcons onesie. Lol!



But before I get I go to deep with my love affair with football. Can we talk about the 2016 Olympics?! They were so amazing! I swear every time I watch the Olympics I think I can train for the 100m and 200m, and be the best out there! Lol! Oh and the #blackgirlmagic was on point!! Maybe I will push Beans to partake in a sport and become a great Olympian; right after she cures cancer. Hey, a mama can dream big for her child... can't she?





Okay, so back to football! I am believing that the Falcons are going to win it all this year. I know that last year was not a great year. We started off strong and then we fell off. It was quite embarrassing. Especially when we were winning... It is something about that fourth quarter. It is almost as if we forget that we are still in the game. Smh... But I love them. And you guys already know who I will be rooting for in college football. I am hoping that I can convert some of you to a winning team! Lol!



On a side note... I am thinking of incorporating some additional entries. So be on the lookout for some new content.

Who are guys going to be rooting for this football season??

Xoxo,

Nisia Skyy

Monday, August 15, 2016

Chapter 2: Pursuing Passions- Facing Reality

Death has a way of putting things in perspective, and forcing us to face reality. We are all on borrowed time. However, it is different when know you will die. What if you knew you only had a few hours, days, months or years to live? Would you go after those dreams you been talking about? Would you start that business? Would reach out to that loved one that hurt you and forgive them? Would you slap your mama for a million dollars? Gotcha! Just wanted to lighten it up a bit. But you get my point.



This past weekend I went to visit my aunt in Michigan. She stays in a beautiful suburb outside of Detroit; which by the way Detroit is an awesome place. The place she stays in is immaculate. I guess for the amount of money it costs to stay there, it should be nothing short of amazing. But she is dying. She has been placed on hospice, and this visit was to see her before goes on to the other side. It also was an opportunity for her to meet my daughter, her great niece. Despite the somberness of the trip, it was overall an awesome trip. I got to meet to meet family that I have never meet before, and spend time with one of my friends from school.

The hardest part of the trip was saying goodbye. I am so used to saying someone, "I will see you again". However, that phrase and those phrases similar to it escaped me. I fought back tears as I leaned over to kiss her. Because I knew that I would not see her again. I don't have the luxury of staying up there and spending time with her. I live thousands of miles away. The reality of the situation is I won't see her again. At least not on this side of heaven.

Can I share with you what I learned this weekend from my aunt's situation?

1) Take care of your temple (body). Love it and nourish. My aunt said to me that the body is a wonderful thing. It functions so well on its own, but when it is out of whack. Boy it is out of whack.

2) Live out your dreams. Take all the baby steps you need to take to reach your dream, but every day strive towards your dreams. Turn those dreams into reality.

3) Cherish every moment. Make memories with your loved ones. Stop waiting for the "perfect" moment to live. Just do it.

4) Prioritize what matters most. Spend time with those who matter the most. For my friends who work 24/7 and grinding to make that paper. Do so. But don't forgot those who the matter the most. It is those who matter to you, that will be there for you in the end. Don't push them away.

5) Forgive. Let any and all anger go. Free yourself of hurt from others, and from the things that you cannot change. Being angry and bitter are choices. Choose to be joyful. Choose to be happy. Choose to be free.

My aunt is strong woman. I don't see fear in her eyes, but woman facing her reality. She spent the weekend giving orders, making sure her house was clean for company and making jokes. She is pretty amazing... 




Xoxo,

Nisia Skyy

P.S. I did not make the praise and worship team. But NOT because your girl could not sing! Praise Jesus for that. Lol! I got to work on those nerves. :-)

Monday, August 8, 2016

Chapter 2: Pursuing Passions- Facing Your Fear(s)

Hey everyone! I hope your day has been amazing. Even if your day was not as you planned, remember that your life could be so much worse. I had to tell myself that a few times today. Today was definitely not my day, and not because it was Monday. It was not a horrible day, by any means. It was just one of those days.

Any way, last week I faced one of my fears. I stepped out and auditioned for my church's praise and worship team. My nerves were on 10!!! But I did it... I stepped out and confronted my fear. I do not profess to be the best singer, but I am definitely able to hold a note or two. If I had to give a honest assessment of my audition, I am not sure I can confidentially say I did my best. My nerves were bad. But again... I stepped out and confronted my fear.



One reason I was nervous, was because I was singing a genre of music that I am not accustomed to. My church sings contemporary christian music, and I have a true gospel background. In my mind it is the equivalent of singing R&B, but then switching to country music. It is just different. Another reason I was nervous, was because I have not sang in years. I used to take vocal lessons, but I stopped as my life got busy. So I was a tad rusty. Finally, my nerves were on 10 because I had a week to get my life together. In the midst of the rehearsing (or the lack thereof), I had to take care of Beans, do an online training, and all the other life moments that come with being a wife and a mother.



But I did it, and for that I give myself a gold star. Oftentimes, we get in our own way and do not turn our dreams into reality. I have missed out on a few opportunities, because fear has paralyzed me. Fear of failure is always present, but I have a fear of being successful. It is really self sabotaging. As a Christian, I am aware that God has not given me a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind (II Tim. 1:7; emphasis mine). The latter is what I struggle with. In my mind I create several "what if" scenarios. By the time I have finished going through the good, bad and the ugly, my dream has shattered into a million pieces.

But faith without works is considered dead, and without faith it is impossible to please God (James 2:17; Hebrews 11:6). So what is a girl to do? This girl auditions for the praise team. If I make it, cool. If I don't make, it is still cool. This girl writes a NYT best selling novel (speaking it into existence). But what if it doesn't? That is okay, because I can officially say that I am an author. Basically, no matter the outcome, it is still all good. God is still faithful and I am still blessed. All I have to do is face my fear.

How has fear paralyzed you? What are you going to do face your fears?

Xoxo,

Nisia Skyy

P.S. Thanks Peanut's mama for this week's posts. You are the real MVP!

P.P.S. I will know later in the week if I made the team or not. I will let you all know either way, because I know you want to know. Lol :-)

Monday, August 1, 2016

Chapter 3: Married Life- Don't Let Hollywood get you Divorced

This October my husband and I will celebrate five years of marriage. In today's society making it this long is a blessing. It seems as if celebrities and non celebrities alike don't seem to be lasting the first two years. Some notable celebrities have made it 72 days...




Look marriage is not for the weak at heart. It takes work, wisdom, patience and perseverance. Yes, love is a key component. But love does not pay bills. The creditors will not accept your love as payment. You are going to have work on making your marriage work, with someone who WANTS to work with you. There will be times you are going to look at your spouse as if they have two talking heads, and you are trying to decide which one to chop off first. You should want a partner that can weather the storm with you, because if you live long enough life will happen. I don't profess to have any keys to making a marriage last. I have not been married long enough, but I am thankful for the positive examples I have around me that encourage me to keep pushing forward.



Here are a few nuggets I have learned along the way:

1) Stop comparing your relationship to others. Your marriage will be different from your parents, friends and associates. What works for y'all, may not work for others. As long as no one is hurting the other person, your marriage should be fine.

2) Along the same lines, be mindful of who you share your business with. That includes family, best friends, and all those in between. If you must talk someone and cannot find a good marriage counselor, then I highly recommend talking with someone who has good sense. Someone who actually LOVES and LIKES the person that they are married to. Stay away from your single friends, bitter married folks and bitter divorced folks. Very far!

3) Prior to getting married, vet the person you are going to marry. Learn from the recent woes of our beloved Rudy. Smh... Take the time to get to know someone before making such a huge undertaking. Do not ignore the red flags. A person is not going to all of sudden change because you exchange vows. If he is controlling now, he will continue to control after you get married. If she is disrespecting you now, it will only get worse after the vows.



4) Finally, do not let what you see in the movies or on television dictate your relationship. Real life doesn't always play out the way we see on the screen.

Do you agree with any of the listed nuggets? What have you learned along the way? Feel free to share in the comments.



Xoxo,

Nisia Skyy